mmm how do you know..So

when your happy with your weight? This is something I have been asking myself alot of the last week. Since I gained 1lb last week and was my usual annoyed self about it and saying I was just going to set goal so I could say I was finally done - but what if I am not?! My friend asked me a very good question - 'if you were getting married this weekend would you be happy?' I still haven't answered her properly, I just kind of said 'well obviously i would be happy bcos I would be getting married' and then changed the subject. I know full well thats not what meant and also full well thats a total cop out answer!

So since Wednesday I have asked myself this alot. Im split on my answer. Yes I am happy with how much I have lost, happy I can wear dresses that are a size 12, happy I dont want to worry about sitting on h2b knee and breaking it! But happy to stay this weight - probably not. I feel a bit disappointed that I am not there but then glad I kind of know I am not. Its so confusing, one minute I am looking in the mirror thinking 'yeah I can really see I've lost weight' and the next I am thinking 'but yuk look at my arms'. I get that I might never feel 100% happy with my body, thats normaly, but I want to be at least 95% happy as of yet I am not that.

I am scared I dont get there by the wedding - I have 8lbs (I think) to go and 10 weeks until the wedding. In that time I have York 10k which should hopefully keep me motivated to run which hopefully will help with the weight loss. But I am not banking on it, after Leeds 10k I lost 0.5lbs!

I need to keep focused that I am not there yet and not be in such a hurry to get to goal. Trying to rush it doesnt work for me and then I just frustrated when I dont lose alot or I have a slight gain. Gains aren't the devil - this has taken me a long time to learn, but I've come to realise that they can be down to anything and that minute you get on the scales is just a frozen moment and might not always reflect my actual week.

So tomorrow when I get on the scales whatever they tell me I will just smile and try to remember how far I have come. 10 weeks to lose 8lbs - 1lb a week is normal and I will have to be happy with that :)
x